The more I read about Buddhism, the more I find there is to think about and mull over, which is great from a Philosophical perspective, but perhaps less useful when one is about to explode and break something/someone precious.
I am still winding my way through Sarah Napthali's three book set on Buddhism for Mothers (see the Amazon thingy below for the books - I got the Three-in-one), but started with her Chapters on Anger and on Mindfulness as I felt that these were the aspects of her work that could help me most immediately. Her words are first, and mine are in brackets afterwards.
This is my short version, which I hope will help you immediately :)
Buddhism Practice - To Become Calmer
Impermanence - teaches us that the dark places we stumble into have no lasting grip on us.
("When will this end ?" becomes "This WILL end"...
Variations on this include;
"Everything passes, nothing is permanent"
and my favourite,
"This will soon be gone and I won't even remember it in 5 years time")
Mindfulness -To be mindful of our emotions, we need to stand back and watch them without condemning ourselves. We notice, without judgement, the thoughts that are fuelling the mind state as well as any body sensations and tensions. (This is particularly useful with anger as you can really concentrate on the surges of bodily feelings - Who would have known that anger can make you weak at the knees ? I've only just noticed it.... And then you're so busy concentrating on how your body feels, your mind forgets to be so upset)
Making Acknowledgement - We can also label our inner experiences by making acknowledgement of them, such as "feeling.... feeling...feeling...."..this labelling is a way to remain an observer - to stay in the drivers seat rather than become a passenger driven by emotions out of control. (This really works - try telling yourself "Screaming .... screaming.... yelling.... shouting.... angry...angry..." I guarantee that if you can be mindful enough to remember to do it, you'll end up in a fit of the giggles)
Equanimity - The ability to perceive all aspects of our lives with acceptance and patience, rather than our usual extreme reactions, ie; the ability to stay calm, no matter what is happening. (Knowing that this is what you're aiming for makes it easier to get there)
Accept imperfection - Use the innumerable irritations around you to practice patience. Smile at them. (Quite literally. Smile at the idiot who cut you up on the freeway. Smile at the red light. Smile at the child in the basket of freshly washed clothes. It may sometimes feel like a rictus, but it becomes easier...)
Opportunities for Mindfulness - Every moment is an opportunity for mindfulness, for growing wiser. Each moment is brilliantly new. It will not last as it is in the process of changing into something else - this makes it precious. The truth about reality lies in each moment. The trick is to percieve it with complete acceptance, free of judgement, rating, and demands - and of course, to pay attention to it in the first place :)
You are already complete, whole and good.
Ya got that ? YOU ARE ALREADY FABULOUS !! Its a good place to start !
xxx Molly
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