The Anatomy of Desire

I have been feeling very uncreative and questioning of my path again recently. Do I really want to be a healer ? Do I want to be a singer ? Do I want to be a weight loss coach ? I spend a LOT of my time pondering my path...

and then this popped through my inbox:

http://www.australianpoetry.org/ Seeking applications: AP's Tour of Ireland 2012   International opportunity for poets: Australian Poetry's Tour of Ireland 2012. Seeking: Two established Australian poets to participate in a reading circuit of leading festivals, events and venues in Ireland for a one-month tour in May/June 2012. Dublin, like Melbourne, has recently been named a UNESCO City of Literature. This tour aims to explore the similarities, differences, opportunities and possibilities which might be derived from Ireland and Australia sharing this common bond. You receive: Return airfares to Ireland and transfers to reading / event venues A fee (which includes per diems and reading fees) Accommodation in Ireland Reading spots at leading festivals and venues – tour to coincide with Dublin Writers Festival, the Bealtaine Festival, The Strokestown Poetry Festival, Listowel Writers Week (full itinerary to be confirmed) To be included in application: Applicant’s full contact information (must include email, phone and postal details). Applicants will need to have published two or more books by reputable publishing houses (self-published works are not eligible). Please include three copies of two books with application. A one-page CV of your literary achievements, including contact details of two professional referees. A maximum of two letters of support. The applicants must submit an additional one-page cover letter outlining: What they hope to achieve from the tour What makes them a good ambassador for Australian poetry How they would further promote Australian poetry and the Tour (e.g. maintaining an associated blog) Note:  Please enclose 3 copies of all application material.

And now I am nearly in tears. Talk about WANTING something !! I love poetry. I love reading it, I love writing it and I even love dissecting it :) And yet that little voice in my head says to me "That's stupid. Who ever made money as a poet ?" you know, apart from Thomas Kinsella, who I used to go to the Drunk Poets with, who ended up a visiting Professor of Poetry at Yale....

AAGGGHHHH !!! Now I am crying. Poisonous green tears of pure jealousy..... This makes me heartsick - the anatomy of desire outlined in green ink and a thousand scratchings-out.

SO. Rather than blubbing and carrying on I am going to Grok it, dammit. My Grok Girl push is working really well, so I am going to Grok Girl my Poetry, to overextend a metaphor :)

For a month, I am going to be a poet. A real poet. I am going to write poetry daily. I am going to go to poetry readings. I am going to go to Poetry groups. I am going to submit poems to magazines and competitions. I am going to go through my back-catalogue and pull out everything worth reproducing, and reproduce it. I am going to self publish a chap-book and submit it to a publishers to be published "for real". I am going to do everything in my considerable power to make sure that in 2013 I have the wherewithall to put my name down for the Poetry Tour of Ireland. Dammit.

This is something really worth desiring. I'm going to make it happen.

xxx Molly